Of superheroes, surgery, Strauss and Sri Lanka

It has become obvious to my eyes that a few of the England players have been spending some time in telephone booths, and not in the process of following Gary Kirsten's instructions (although this would explain the sudden turn-around). What I am trying to say is, while New Zealand have one superhero in Dan the Man, England seemed to have just transformed a few of their own.

Take, for example, the efforts last night of Jimmehnaut in being the only really economical bowler on the night, and taking three wickets to boot, not to mention his fantastic figures in the previous game. Or the six sixes and nearly-century by Supershah. What about Mr Incredicolly's all-round superness in England's matches so far? Or Mog the Merciless's powerhitting? Graeme Swann has been a superhero for a while, as Ceci and Mel can attest. They have photographic evidence.

What's next, Stargirl?

Meanwhile, the delicate and rather unsightly lancing and draining of Bopara's ego continues.

Ultimately, the Real Man of the Match award goes to Andrew Strauss, for pulling the biggest ruse of all time. There was Smitteh, Captain Courageous, thinking "Hey, I don't need to drink sports drinks, it'll be fine, when I cramp up I can just call out AB as a runner and he's ten times faster than me" not even stopping to question whether Strauss would allow him assistance. I mean, this was the guy who called back a batsman after a pretty legit run out, wasn't it?

And this is where Smith fell for Strauss' cunning plan. The magnanimosity of the last match disappears faster than Dave Warner's hype in the face of England's sworn enemy. AB is sent back to the pavilion. Smith struggles and South Africa are out of the tournament, mercifully saved from choking in the semi-finals. KP sends a congratulatory text message to his captain.

Back at the Wanderers, New Zealand (or rather Ryder, Guptill and Dan the Man) decided that they actually didn't have that bad a line-up after all and could probably post a fair total. Which they did. They then almost managed to lose the match through Shane Bond and Kyle Mills, before Dan the Man once again rescued them. New Zealand are now facing a sudden death match against England (sudden death only for the Kiwis) while all Sri Lanka can do is wait, watch and hope that the England players don't leave their capes at the hotel.