Graham Onions really is like onions. That wonderful bulb is almost always on hand to rescue a lacklustre recipe from tasting like wet sawdust, and likewise Onions is usually there for England, rescuing them from lacklustre performances that leave them floundering in the dust. However, Onions (of any kind) was left out of this game, and consequently England were out for 180 and a barely-fit Sidebottom really isn't looking threatening at all.
Never leave out the Onions. And if England live to fight another day, they must remember that Onions can provide much more flattering headlines for them than a hairy Yorkshireman whose name suggests that he has his anatomy all mixed up.